96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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