Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
