you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
It's just like the Real World with babies
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
