For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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