dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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