we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
