God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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