Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
