i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
