I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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