no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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