My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
