all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
