so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
