everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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