she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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