i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
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