I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
