your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
