So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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