woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
