official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
