I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
