Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
