We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
