If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
