You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We are two peas in an std pod
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Randomize
