Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
