I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
