i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
