Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
