Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
