So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
