just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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