Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
