I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
