I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
