ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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