is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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