Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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