you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
