I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
lol hangovers are for mortals.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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