Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
