Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
What drink are we having for lunch?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
