Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
