R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
