my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
