forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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