i just wanna soil my oats bro
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
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