Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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