Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
