He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
