That's when you crack a 10am beer
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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